Monday, December 29, 2008


Trust, Honor, Loyalty-
What does these words mean to you?

People often use these words in their daily lives, and somehow those words seems to have lost their meaning.

Based on my experience in the 17 years that i've been living in; there's none that you can actually label as a 'True Friend'. Everyone will eventually crack under pressure.. and then, you'll see their true colours. Most people that i've known will seize every opportunity they have to step on you in order to achieve what they are looking for.

From Primary to Secondary school- I've seen most people who claim to be a friend and when a situation arise and they can profit from it; They change. It doesnt matter, because this pleague involves everyone- It can be your relative, your best friend, your girlfriend or whoever.

And when these people stab you in the back- and it hurts so much, as if you can feel someone stabbing you non-stop..then you know how i feel. I wouldn't be suprised if 'my friends' of today become my enemies of tomorrow.


Friday, December 26, 2008


There's a story about a girl whom had lost her love and her soul over lust.

She was mine at first, i took care of her..loved her and make sure she was alright. But then, i couldnt always be around her all the time- So i let her go.
Then another guy took care of her.. and she said he seemed to be just right for her- He loves her so much, eventhough she was being unfaithful to him at times. And that shows how much 'he cares about her'.

Her new guy tried to be friends with me. Eventhough i hated that son of a bitch for a whole lot of reason, i kept my feelings towards myself. And whenever i talk to her and such, he would eventually butt-in into our conversation.. (as if i need another reason to kick his face)

But she was happy being with him- Or so it would seem to be that way.
And a whole year has passed since she caught up with her guy...and i was having my relationship crisis. But she told me-

"I used to feel the same way.. i loved u so much and it hurts to see you walked out. I had to endure the pain im feeling because i asked to be released- It wasnt really your fault. So just hang on, you'll get over it how i did when it was about you."

So i took that as she has completely moved on, and he is really the one for her.
But a few months later, she talked to me and she seemed different. It was like as if she wasn't the same girl that i have known all these years..

She came back to me; mentally exhausted, physically injured.
It was because her 'guy' had done something to her- He had took her virginity away. And to cope with the intense pressure from having him to have taken something from her and being scared if there might be a life inside of her- She took birth control pills, she started smoking, drinking liquor..

And the only question to all of this is:
Where was the guy that you thought was the 'one' and in the end, why did you came back to me?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Ladies & Gents,
If you love the tunes from the Drum&Bass genre- then this track is the one you guys should check out.

Its called Granite. Its from Pendulum- and most of their songs are freaking cool!

Songs from Pendulum that you should check out are:
  • Blood Sugar - It has sweet bass and keyboard tunes for you headbangers.
  • Coma - Its kinda slow but it gets you in the mood when ur emo.
  • Hold Your Color - It feels something like from a Fifa Street playlist.
  • Insecurity - This one really sounds Techno.
So those are the few songs that you should check out..if u wanna listen to them now before downloading, i have some of the songs on my Myspace profile. Here's the link- Myspace - RaJa's Profile


Tonight we had the futsal game- and i really didnt understand the "enjoy the game" feeling everytime i play the game..

I guess i dont have a sporty talent like everyone else; On the field, i totally suck. And even if some of my friends try to hide the embaressment from watching me try to kick the ball, its so obvious- You could actually tell from looking at their faces.

And actually, come to think about it- There's no point for me to even try to be better when im playing futsal or football, because eventually i'll end up disappointing everyone on my team. I wanted to be better but in the end it doesnt even matter.

Mr.K says: "Raja, let me tell u something- When i started to play as a keeper, i sucked like fuck. It took me one year and a half to prove them wrong. And now, people are actually asking me to play as a keeper for thier team.

Instant impact is a very rare thing, you must work hard. Keep on working on your stamina, find inspiration for the game and keep on practicing..soon, people are going to ask YOU to play for their TEAM.

Maybe Mr.K is right- Maybe all i should do is to find my rhytm, find the inspiration for the game. But the thing is gotta do now is just to hold on, try to be patient..let them fuckers make fun of me, hopefully someday i'll prove them wrong.


Sunday, December 21, 2008


Deep sealed from inside the NRA vaults comes a video of Navin's Talk Show.
He'll be interviewing a famous Artist-

This week's guest: T-Navin
T-Navin is a world-famous artist who does incredibly stupid things..and on tonight's show, we shall see what he is up to. T-Navin also has a very awkward american accent, so that is why he got kicked out from hosting Mtv's shows.

Host: Navin K.
Cameraman: NRA
Guest star: T-Navin



Ladies and Gents,
I've made a new sport during my working days in BV. This new sport combines two styles of gameplay: Tennis and Baseball.

And i have decided the name for this new sport is- Cockball. And i have a test subject for this new sport- Hariish, from VI. I have tried this sport and after defeating him for 9times in a row, he finally prevails to win a game.

Here's the interview with the first time Cockball champion-

Reporter: RaJa Ahmad Shah
Cameraman: NRA

Saturday, December 20, 2008


There's a concert at Zouk on the 21st.. some band named Nidji is performing there.
I have a ticket..and its invites only.

But i cant go to the concert-
So if you want it, tell me on the c-box. Thx.


I've finally ended my pedophile relationship.. and seriously, i feel nothing. Not happy nor regret. Its like so empty..

But im not gonna waste these words on a girl- Im not asking to be loved anymore. And yeah, im a fucking emo guy..if you dun like it; to hell with you.

The funny thing is, i feel much better because now i can 'breathe'.. and the work i have in BV and the relationship i have is really draining everything inside of me. Im always stressed out..and take it out on my friends.

Now, it feels a little better to have the space to breathe and not get caught up with a serious relationship..its like being released from chains. I apologize if it upsets anyone who reads this- But yeah, i cant be in a serious relationship..Its just not me.


Today was like my only day-off from work.. and what kept me going on today was the fact that i was suppose to play futsal.

And so- apart from that, i went to get myself a new haircut and at 3, i went swimming.. cuz i havnt been in the pool since waterpolo days.
When i was at Bangsar Sport Complex, i went to the office to check out the reservation that Mr.K made for the futsal thingy tonight. And then Mr.K called and said he was sick and blah,blah blah.. so he wanted to postpone the whole thing. And i was thinking like damn weyh..the only freaking reason that i was really looking forward for tonight was about the futsal, and now its fucking cancelled? Wtf?

So then- asked the guy for the resit, because without that- we couldnt play anything damn futsal in the court..
So then, we got the news from Mr.K- the whole futsal is cancelled. And why? Well, because he forgot to pay something on time.. so whatever la. I bought myself a new Nike T90 Ball and played at park near SKBB. And actually- i had a blast of a game compared to any futsal games i've played in BSC with some other cheers to Navin, Hariish, Sameer and his family for coming to the park.

I think the whole thing was just plain bullshit la.., the next time some shit like this is going on- I wouldnt care about it anymore la. Fuck those the future!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008


During these past few weeks, i've realized that i have changed alot.

I think its because of the job that i have in BV. Honestly, it drains me so much... and i couldnt help but having the urge to quit. Its so demanding and its really really stressful. But the only question is- If i quit, then i waste all these time of torment because it'll be over by the 29th.

I have changed tromendously- I get pissed easily, Im alot more evil (more ways than one.), I spent money alot more than how i used to, I've turned into a show-off (more than before), I emo constantly (or as Navin calls it: PMS) and etc.

And that's just a little bit that i have realized from time to time..if i was to see this problem from another person's eyes- I bet its worse. I've turned into a total jerk..

And now, my relationship is in crisis..somehow i hate it when im confused- Im unable to think rasionally, to make good choices and all that. And when it happens, i ask my friends what do they think about it...but the thing is- Im the one in the relationship, not them. Eventhough im called something like..ugh..pedofile, or something like that. But i still cant let go of this relationship..because, im not used to being single- nor dumping others when its longer than 2 months.

So now, i hate everything- My life, work, attitude, love, appearrance, language..etc. So fuck everything, fuck you, fuck the world, fuck life, fuck it.


Thursday, December 11, 2008


Hey guys, here's the something u should check out.
I'm designing a couple of graffiti sneakers- and i want to sell some to earn extra cash.. obviously. lol.

So this is how it works- You lemme know what u want on your sneakers, i design it, u do whatever u want with it.

Here's one sample of one of my earliest designs. This one's theme is StreetGraffiti. So lemme know if your interested by commenting this post..thx. Cheers!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

SMKSH's Prom Story.

I was at the SMK Sri Hartamas's prom earlier today..and it was ok la.
On a 1-10 scale: 6 (should have been 5 but the food was awesome!)
The performance was kinda dull...but its ok la. Not bad.
Thats one of the performance from a band..err...i forgot their name though. lol.

So, thanks to Tunku Amira- I have a ticket to the prom. Yes, its so sad and pathetic that im going to another school's prom..and its because my school is being so cheap by not having one. So, as i entered the place...i met most of my old friends there.
I was from SMKSH; but only for a few months la.. so i made a few friends while i was there. Now, back to the prom story-

I was seated with some 'high-class' kids from smksh..on the reserved table. And there was this guy who brought me back some memories of how i hated this bloody son of a *****. He and his 'cun' girlfriend was across me on that table. And i couldn't help but to hate the living shit out of this bloody male Paris Hilton..and the stupid look i got from his face was just pissing me off. But thanks to the food- im ok.
So, in between breaks of the prom..they made a lucky-draw on the ticket number. And yes- i almost won...but mine was 066, and the number that won something was 166. Dammit.

So everyone had their dates excluding me and some other guys on the next table, which was the 'loser-ish' table. So, i was pissed off.. i went to another school's prom and now i wouldnt care about what stupid shit i would do while im in the event. And ofcourse, i was browsing through all the girls that i saw in the ballroom..

And there were really hot girls, some ok-ok ones, some ugly slutties and etc. So i wanted a date...and while i was on the dancefloor, i saw an old friend on mine who doesn't have a date because she's dancing with the other girls. I went straight up to her and asked to dance with me... and she did. I held her hips and started talking some shit to prevent the awkward silence. Because i would never have asked her if i wasn't bored of being daring..

As we were slow-dancing on the dancefloor, i couldnt help but to finally notice that she's hot! And to think all these while i didnt pay any attention to her at all..what a bummer. So then, after a few songs..i let go of her- and her friends quickly stole her from being my partner. And then i noticed there was a sharp stare on me since i was dancing with my friend....and it turns out to be her boyfriend. Dammit.

So then i tried to shuffle a little and move along and sooner...i stopped and sat down. And then i asked my friend to drive me home. That's the point of this post is-

if it was not for the SMKSH's prom, i wouldn't have noticed that one of my old friend was a hottie and now i feel so bummed out because when i had the chance to do something about it..i ignored her. Dammit.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Today's feeling:
  1. bored from the stupid life-sucking job. (still..i need the money)
  2. gave the Xbox back to Mr.K after a week of fun..*sigh*
  3. got a SMKSH prom to go to tomorrow nite...and yes, someone paid for me and i dont have a date.
  4. close to being broke.
  5. no shisha for 48hours straight...(im addicted, yes.)
So that's pretty much of the things which are going on today. Owh's an interesting story-
A few days while i was working at my store, i asked the woman beside my store to look after it while i went to the gents.
Then, while i was in the gents..on the floor the was a puddle of water, and i could see the reflection of the next door. So, i was wondering why was there noises from the next door? And when i looked at the reflection, the most sickest thing happen.
First, i saw the guy was jacking off..then the next most fucked up thing was there was another guy giving him a ****job.

And if that doesn't sound sick enough...i dunno what does. So yeah- thats what happened during a few days ago. Dude...i feel so sick to my stomach till now. Fuck weyh!! Ewww...!!

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Its the holidays- The time where most friends work and the others will eventually come to annoy the living hell of the one's who are working. And now, things are very very boring..

Its so boring until it makes u think if now its already boring like this, then after SPM will be even worse..

Obviously, there's like a billion things that most of u would plan to do over the free time..for example-

  • Get more money. (work- part time, full time)
  • Play some sports that u've always wanted but had to study. (futsal, basketball, swimming)
  • Try something that u never thought u would do. (surfing, bungie-jumping)
  • Get laid. (optional)
Im sure there's more than what i've just mentioned..but yeah, u get the picture.

So, get ur butt off the sofa..put down that remote..leave the playstation/xbox..and get some action! Come on, get some!! *nacho libre voice*

Reason behind this post: I'm officially bored. And-


Last week, i was interviewed by one of my friend's parent and she took me by surprise. And at the time, i was with my we were walking to a mamak stall to have dinner. So, moving on-

First, she text to my phone to confirm that its me.
Is this Raja?

Yes. Who's this?
She tells me who she is.
Its ******'s mom, Auntie. I have a question for you.

Owh. Hye, Auntie. Sure..go ahead.
Then, she asked what was my relationship with her daughter.
Do you have feelings towards my daughter?

No. We are just friends. Close friends to be precise.
Then, she continued asking me by asking was i interested to go further on the relationship.
Are you sure?

Yes, Auntie. We're just close friends.. and nothing more than that. Seriously.
Then, she gave me some comments that i will never forget.
Sorry for disturbing, *** in ***.

I beg your pardon? Excuse me?
Then she ended the conversation in a very cliche way.
Owh..look at the time, well take care then. Bye.

I didn't reply.*

In the end, i continue denying all her thoughts of me and her daughter..and yeah- This is something personal to put on a blog for everyone else to read it..but what the heck; its my blog. I can do whatever i want. So, if any of u were interested on telling the world about it..well, why not. I already post it on my blog- Go ahead, you vultures.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008


There's something wrong with me these past few weeks.. i feel like everyone else around me has changed in more ways than one. How? Well, it's like this-

Navin: He seems to be more impulsive, more secretive towards many kinds of approach unlike how we get along before. There's no more fun in it...kinda. Idk, its probably because of the exam. (everyone blames the SPM)

Mike: He seems to be having the i-dun-care attitude towards everything- unlike how we used to lepak.. he's like too busy in his PSP world compared to how we all used to socialized like back in the days..and the cause of this reaction? I forgot to pay the tab once while we were smoking shisha in Bangsar.

Khalilul: I have no idea about this dude.. after his clash contact with his enemy, he seems to be something like Navin- No fun in the conversations nor some of the outings.. and everytime he does one of his futsal thingies, i would 'rain' on his parade. Seriously.

Norman: This person- Well, he's stuck with his ladies.. an ongoing trail on 'possible relationships'. We used to be like bros, and like the saying: "Bros before Hoes". But after the sports day, he changed alot. And our fun stupid conversations weren't the same anymore.

Haiqal: Haiqal- Need i say more? The reason of his lepak-ing reason wif me is either i pay the bill or talk about some girlfriend shit and RaJa still pays the bill. Seriously, i wonder.. have i become like him? Do i go out and 'pau' everyone else and is that the reason why people hate me? *sigh*

These are the people which i think have caught my attention for these past few weeks as i was hanging out with them..and if the change is about money- (the 'pau' attitude thingy) Please, tell me. I dont want to lose friends over cash..

If anyone was offended by this post, i want to apologize. I wrote this up because i couldn't get it out of my mind. By the way-

Monday, November 17, 2008


What happens to an organization when there is much too perfect people in it? What i meant is, if an organization had a few members 'stirring things up'- it would make the organization live up.
Why? Well, if everything seems too perfect then everything would be boring and then its either they become like zombies or robots. lol.

All i'm saying is-
The organization that i was in had my batch of rebellious members- and therefore, it made everything just right. Without a villain there cant be a hero, right? So i wonder how are things gonna be when the organization starts out next year.. because there ain't much of rebellious members.

And yes; i miss the whole 'heroes' thingy about the organization.. because now- life wouldn't be that much fun because we cant create that much havoc for others to suffer from. lol.
Anyways, i would like to say: "cheers to anyone whom i've made his/her life miserable and a thousand apologies. And thanks to everyone who joined our efforts to make everyone else's life a living hell while we were in the organization."

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Was it worth it? Wasting time all these while? I thought that i had find someone that could endure all the pain i'm feeling.. but it turns out that i truly am a Cancer to the Society.
I know that all those smiles, laughter, conversation weren't real. Because the look on your eyes explains everything to shows that i have been left out, that i am the black sheep of the society.

I knew it was just a matter of time before you tell me that i've been wasting my time on you. I knew that sooner or later my heart is going to be crushed like how it's always been..i knew that i dont have much friends, i knew that sooner or later i'll be dumped from all this.

I never thought it would be this complicated; like how i was left out and then had to look at myself in the mirror and hate my very existance. And ask myself why am i like this? Why cant i be like everyone else? Why am i a freak?
Eventually, i'll just suicide. It seems like there's no use of me trying to be something that i'm not.
The Expectations which are always the case why i'm left out.

I dont know why i even try, because eventually you'll leave me. Isn't it how it's always been? When the relationship get boring, someone will leave the scene. That is human nature.

I can't be someone i'm not. I can't fake all these emotions when everything hurts like hell. I've always thought that when u said that i am the 'one' for you, it meant more than just words that people could say to each other. But yesterday, you have showed me that i'm not the 'one' for you..

I thank you for saying such things from the point of reality; and your point of view ofcourse. When you said those words to me- it was so clear that i am just a phase in your life, u'll forget and get over me someday. Now, i dont know whether should i even continue this relationship eventhough my heart is already in pieces..

And everytime that we go out, something would go's either my left arm will feel static or my knee will injure itself. I know, i am pathetic. Even if you didn't say it with you mouth..your eyes show me what you feel about me. I suck at everything..and its true like what one of my enemy once said; You suck at everything- from playing drums, playing games, studies and the only thing that u good at is socializing. No, let me rephrase that- You suck at everyhing!
And i hate to admit it, but he's right. I do suck at everything. I can't do anything right..

I'm sorry if all these while i have been nothing but trouble to you. And i would understand if you feel so fed-up from all this..because this is how i am, this is why i have always been abandoned from everyone. It's just a matter of time before my friends will become my enemies and then i'm left with nothing but lies, deception and regret.

The only thing that i want from you is just to be honest; and you are doing that extremely well. And i'm proud to be your partner all these while because you are the one and only girl that have been honest to me..and i could never find another like you.

And all this was from the deepest part of my heart..i cant keep it inside anymore, i love you so much but it's so obvious that i'm not the one for you. I'm a coward, i'm an idiot for letting go something so beautiful like you. But i dont want to be the one who lies in this relationship because you, yourself has been so honest to me. I am very sorry, i love you.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


Its about 48hours before the final exam..
and i getting more nervous than ever. I can feel as if my heart is gonna fly out through my mouth..damn.

Yesterday was one of the most unlucky days that i've had in weeks.. i made my friend's mum paid triple for the cab, i broke a shisha glass thingy..and i burnt my sweater. *grr..*
As if that wasn't bad enough.. then i had a huge headache and my left arm started to hurt like shit.

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me, i dont know whether am i gonna go through this exam with flying colours, i dont know what unlucky thingy am i stuck with..


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

CareerAdvice? LifeHasAlreadyMadeReservations.

What's your plan after SPM? What do u wanna be? What are u pursuing? Me? Well, i have a bunch of plans of what-to-do but...honestly, i dont know what the hell am i gonna do after SPM.

Sure, the time off before the results strike terror into every hearts of the form5s.. i'll be working part-time here and there. But the question is- What am i gonna do or study after the results come? I cant wait for the results for show up and then plan....that's just throwing my future into someone else's hand.

I've been thinking about graphic designing, music engineering, culinary studies, business management and tons of other stuffs.. there's like so many things to choose from. And my parents has given me 2 opposite comments about it-

Dad said: I dont care whatever u wanna do, whatever it is..make sure its from the heart. Make sure there's passion.

Mom said: Make sure ur job has a future in it. Make sure there will be a steady pay for u because the world is an expensive place. How will u buy urself a house or car? Think where will u be in 5 years time?

There, both of my parents have given me something to think about when im thinking about getting myself somewhere in this world. Both of them have made their point when it comes to career- it ain't a walk in a park.

The hardest thing is..i dont think i can ace this SPM exam. And i know myself well enough that i'll probably get 4a's max...maximum. And my mum expects me to get straight a's? Now that is something we can call a 'miracle'. Right?

How about u guys? Why dont u guys ask ur parents and see what will they answer.. i think my mum's advice is what u'll get from ur parents.

*sigh* Life is such a bitch. You have to think everything..every single day, week because you wouldn't wanna waste it. And by thinking all sure that stress will start to knock ur heads like a hammer. Now i know why people die from stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure and suicide. It's all because of this stupid life's demand. If you cant keep up, life will chew u up and spit u then eveything is useless.



What's the purpose of education? What's the goal that these people have when it comes to teaching us younger generation? Is it to expand our creativity, turn us into role-citizens or to make us turn into living zombies (or slaves)?

Why living zombies or slaves?
Think about all the exams that we have to cope nowdays, its all about getting an 'A'. That's it. If we dont get those grades- we wont get a good career, we couldn't get scholarships to a higher education other words, if we dont score- We'll die in society's eyes.

Isn't it true? Every single teacher and parents that came to me whenever im talking about 'education' says that there will be only one question from society; and that's-
"How many A's did u get for your exam?"

If the whole point of education is just to earn high grades, then what happens to the part of 'expanding young mind's creativity?' Are we just attending these institutions in order to get incredible grades? Or do we use the opportunity to get as much of knowledge to make our lives better in any possible way?

That's what i dont understand. Because i have a friend who had his exam earlier this month and before the exam- He was one of the brightest students, he was carrying a book everywhere and he was smart..very smart. But, after the exam he sorta became very slow and stupid in a if the whole exam has drained him. And at the time that i was looking at him- he seemed to like a zombie (cuz he was so slow and kinda stupid compared to how he was before).

So, that made me think about our sense of education- Are the adults turning us into society's zombies and slaves? You people think about it.



I hate SPM. Seriously. Why? Well let's just say that it makes me read so much and then i get so tired..i sleep. By the time i wake up, it'll already be around 7 or 8.. i've already wasted my noon.

Futhermore, staying at home is just torture. My com cant reach its internet most of the time..and if i dont spent time reading history or doing english, i'll draw somemore or i'll sleep. I feel so lifeless dammit!

I wonder how will things go after SPM? Will i be staying put at home (like now) or be doing something awesome and stupid..? My plans on making a NRA movie is postponed i think..cuz i dont feel like doing that right away next year. And to think, right now-

I can do the exam right in right at this very moment. But, the thing terrified of the results later. So that's the dilemma that mosts form5s have i guess...

whatever it is:-



Sunday, October 26, 2008


These are my artworks-

Final days before SPM comes.. and i could still go online. *sigh*
Im trying to push myself harder..and well, its giving me good results. And i spent the whole day yesterday drawing cuz i couldn't concentrate.

Tell me what do u think about the drawings.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

SonOfAB*tch, BigTime!

There's this guy in my schoool. He's the so called 'model prefect' for the form3's. And most of the people of school thinks that his 'charming' too in many ways.

How is he 'charming'?
Well, let's just say he is the role model prefect. He scores straight a's, he's in the school's squad for football and he gets away with his flirt-ish attitude towards most occasion.

When it comes to the flirt issue- i don't really mind. I for one, flirt too..but not as much compared to the 'prince charming' here. *sarcasm* And some of the juniors in my school told me that he told them not be involved in a relationship.. concentrate on studies la.. bla..bla..bla.

Now, how come you can tell others not be involved when you yourself is in a relationship? (Well..he used to la..before she liked some other guy.) So, i was like wtf?!

The thing is, i get the point when he wants others to be like him. But don't be a hypocrite. His big crush is now a new prefect.. and i heard that she left him for some guy, according to the rumors- its a teacher. lol.

He was like a good friend when i had my previous relationship breakdown. And a few weeks later, during an event. I told him that i was interested on this 'particular' girl..and he was like "go for it, dude." And i was like alright weyh..*confident look*

But now- that bloody s.o.b. is acting like a bitch to me.. he suddenly wants my girl and he ignores my very existance.

I dont mind the 'ignore my very existance' part..but the thing that pisses me off is- Among all the girls that he could flirt and make his move, why does it have to be my girlfriend? Is he trying to take her from me or is he just trying to piss me off even more?

I would like to say this-
Dude, i dont know what the fcuk is going through your stupid fucking head when your trying to take my girlfriend. And the fact that when i was out with her yesterday and you tried to ask her out on a 'one on one' date? Your just a big son of a b*tch..and all those sweet flirty messages to her phone? Well, we'll see whether you can type after im done with all this. This is a jack*ss! Its a bloody warning.And dont use the stupid 'pet-brother' sick of that shit. Try to get this into that thick skull of yours.

And the readers of this post know who im talking about, please- pass this message to him. Tell him that im aware of his actions. Tell him that i know what he's trying to do. Tell him to just fuck off.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Today, i skipped skool..and my plan was to play futsal with my friends. seems that i spent the entire morning playing soccer with Mr.K and the NRA. *sigh*

So, i wasted 20bucks (which i could spent on credit and food) and NRA with Mr.K have wasted their 10bucks as well.. so much for a soccer morning. But its just a matter of bad timing, that's all.

It seemed quite clear that most of us would be either at skool or at home- sleeping. I for one, have to re-plan this thingy either next week's morning or after SPM. (but i wanna work after SPM..) and then there's the PLKN for me.

So we'll see how it goes...and if y'all are reading this and wanna go futsal-ing, lemme know. So that i wont make another last minute plan that have surely showed me its side of reality. And ofcourse, not all last minute plans prove to be successful. Right? :)

Thursday, October 9, 2008


Everywhere i go, Wherever i turn my head.. people always hate me. Somehow, whenever they began to talk to me then its ok. But then, everyone else who doesnt talk or know me will just hate me at the first sight.

Countless occasions..countless numbers of people who hates me so much by looking at me at the first sight. Mostly, its the people of SMK Bukit Bandaraya. For some reason, im one of the most hated human being in that place..

Who hates me? How can i describe them?
Majority of my 'haters' are the goody-good malays. No offence.

What do i mean when i said the goody-good malays?
Its the ones who are religious, smarter, more civilized than me. Mostly the form2-4s.

Those are the type of people who hates my very existance.. whenever im near them, they'll stare and mouth about me in countless occasions. They just cant stand me living in thier world and sucking their precious oxygen.

Those are the ones i've realised about.. but honestly, i think there's more than just them. Even the teachers hates me. They all hate my very existance too..just as the ones i've just mentioned earlier.

And what's really interesting is: They hate me so much..and sometimes its caused by some stupid reason; for example, like its cause i'm from a royalty blood-line, then its because i speak english and i look so arrogant when i do so, and i'm a freaking loud person..i cant shut up. Those are just a few reasons i could think of..

And i have to constantly change my attitude whenever im socializing with thier type of 'perfect people'. I cant never be ME whenever im around them. But sometimes, i'll just fcuk the whole damn thing and be myself. And then the problem becomes bigger and bigger by the minute.. they hate me so much. They'll do almost anything to keep me out of the picture because i'm a cancer to their eyes.

There. Now, this is what i had to deal with ever since i step my foot into the secondary school life..because back then when im in primary, no one cares about what i do or anything. And all the teacher's dont even know about my attitude nor my background. I was like a shadow. But now im like a cancer to the society.


Wednesday, October 8, 2008


SPM is 32days from now.. and while i was studying today with some friends at Mcd's, i've realized something.

Obviously, the science social stream students wont be feeling the tremendous amount of pressure unlike the pure science stream students.. Why? Its because the pure science stream students are most likely to panic alot more than the others.

My friend who's a science social stream is more likely to study and relax when needed..compared to my other friend who is a pure science and he/she makes us remember the countdown to SPM.

So, from that you can see for your self...smarter people are the ones who will need psychiatrists and all that when they get older and work. Why? Its cause they think about it too much and eventually, it'll get to their head. And they might lose it dont piss pure scince stream students off. They might bite your head off..

Anyways, to advance; good luck to every single form5 who reads my blog.


Monday, October 6, 2008


What defines the word 'Love' to you? Is it how a person shows you a certain type of behavior which shows that he/she has interest on you? Is it how a person buys you a box of chocolates and a bouquet of roses and says that they love you?

I honestly think that 'Love' is a tool for someone to use on another person. Whenever that person is easily deceived by this so simple for anyone to use the poison called 'Love'..

Love makes your heart starts to pound heavily, your palms starts to sweat.. and everything else to work on its own. It's an emotion that can make a person do things he/she could never do before, it makes them 'stronger' in a way.

All of this is just something you would feel if your been poisoned by 'Love'. I hate being in 'Love'.. i hate the whole thing, i hate being cheated, i hate being used, i hate LOVE.


Friday, October 3, 2008


Yesterday, i went out with my good friend. We hang'd out and shisha-ing in D'Haven.. When we sat down and started puffing, we began to talk about our problems. He has his problems concerning his relationships with a special group of friends..

And as we talked about all these bullshits surrounding us in life.. i thought to myself, what really bothers me is sometimes when life shows you something a girl who's really your type. But then, life shows the ugly side of it.. like she might be in a relationship with another guy or she just like you as a friend. nothing more than that.

And what sucks in this life based on what i've seen so far is for example, the jerks and assholes always get things going their way. Chicks go crazy for them eventhough they are complete bastards.. Their parents will give them whatver they want eventhough they treat their parents like shit.. They can skip school and score straight a's while some of us who works hard everytime doesnt even get close to getting straight a's.

Or if a girl that you had a crush on since you were in form1 share the same feelings for you but by the time you found out, its too late. She moved on. And when you had the chance to tell her how you feel, you backed out.. you thought that she might not feel the same way.

I was thinking about all those things while i was puffing away.. When you think about it, life isn't fair. Nothing is.

You might gain something precious but you'll lose something wonderful in return. Life never fails to show you what you have to sacrifice in order to gain something else.. But when you think about it, Its not life who is unfair..its how you make of with what you've got. Its how you choose to live your life, its how you choose who you want to be friends with.. because in the end, WE ALL ARE JUST HUMAN BEINGS..WE MAKE MISTAKES. But what saparates us is just how we learn from our mistakes.


Holidays are almost over...and the SPM pressure starts to kick-in. Its less than a month till the big final exam, and i feel like im screwed..big time.

The thing is, i know what i wanna do after SPM..and the only problem i have is just this huge boulder on my back. Its called 'Lazyness'.. And each time i reach out for help for this problem, i'll be the one who'll suck out. I'd get left behind. desparate, i need help for SPM. I seriously need a push..i need something or someone to keep on pushing me until its SPM. I need a really determined study-partner..

If there's anyone in SMK BB (form 5) who'd think they could help me out..seriously. Then i need your help, seriously. Im so close to being doomed for the finals.. and if that doesnt show how desparate i am, i dunno what does.

RaJa is calling out for help for his SPM.. he needs help. He needs to study! Help him. Help me!

Monday, September 29, 2008


Guys, if your in KL for this Hari sure get invited to my place.

Since our Raya treats are limited for this i dont think im allowed to invite as much friends as i wanted. But still, if you guys are in KL on the 3rd of Hari Raya..gimme a call.

Anyways, i would like to thank some of you readers for reading this blog. (i'm running out of ideas about what to write here....) and for those of you who invited me to your place for raya, a BIG TERIMA KASIH to you guys, man. ThankYou x1,000,000!

Anyways, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to everyone i know..(including Makcik Canteen, Pak Guard, Uncle Taxi, Brader Security), my school friends, my relatives, my close cousins, my buddies, NRA, HardstyleFailure, [C]2, P.U.T.U.S & whoever that wants me to wish them. lol.


I have this problem concerning with my life. It's something like.. hmm.. i dont know how to say this, so im gonna put it this way: The Sheep and the Wolf story.

Let's say that sheep has a problem with how his life is going.. how people reacts to his condition. He thinks that some of his friends are just being friends because they want something out of it. And at times, that theory proves to be right.

So, he sticks to the ones who he thought are his 'real' friends.. and one day, he thought to himself that what if, there is a
wolf hiding somewhere within his circle of friends. What if there is a wolf in disguise among his friends, waiting for a chance to have a bite?

So, with that possibility in his mind.. he checks out his friends, and the result of that is actually there is a
wolf within his circle. That wolf has been waiting for his chance.. and fortunately, he found out just in time.

So, what does the sheep do? ...Only time will tell. Honestly, whoever is that wolf..i hope he'll get busted. And when that wolf does get busted...everyone will be there to witness what kind of a 'snake' he is.

Wolf, if your reading this article.. better watch out.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


Friends. That's the word everyone uses nowdays..right? fcuk that! Can everyone be trusted nowdays? Same goes to the word LOVE. it's just plain bullshit..i mean come on! Through half of this year's experience, i know who aren't my friends. who manipulates and uses the word l-o-v-e on me..

let me give you an example from the 'friend' category..
From last december till this June, i was your 'friend'. Then, somehow you lost one of your best buddies and you came to me asking me why isnt that person talking to you? Soon after, you have your buddy back and forget of my existance and you could call me sombong proved that what kind of an fucking manipulative person you are..and to add to the list, i used to be your shoulders when you got rejected from some guy..and now, i get kicked out and had to stay away from your precious conversations with your reclaimed buddy.

From that little tale, you can almost see what kind of a 'friend' he/she was..

Next, an example from the 'love' category.
From febuary till the 7th of July, i was your other half..i was the guy that you always wanted. It didn't matter that i wasn't relegious, it didn't matter that i was a bad influence to you. At the time, i was the 'one' for you..and under that scarf lies a demon who was a much much worse person compared to me. Yes, i'm the bad guy; Yes, i flirt around..but i didn't know that you were a much better kisser/manipulator/liar. You had me under your spell all these while.. and i was just puppet to cover up all the lies. Why? because of the image i'm stuck with: a bad ass player. It's a perfect disguise to cover up everything..and even if i told everyone about the 'make-out' sessions, no one would believe that it was you who started the kiss..

There, another perfect example of how 'love' fcuks me up..
And i could go all night long with all of this..but if it's too long not that many people wanna read it.

Besides, not that many people wanna read an emo post such as this post. And i constantly write about some emo shit i'm, if you dont like it..dont read. simple.


What have you done in this motherfcuking life to satisfy the need for you to be known?

Are you like just another sheep who follows the stupid routine and hope that something exciting will happen in your stupid pathetic life? You stare in jealousy while your friends get to make out with their girlfriends and cry yourself to sleep at night.. well, if thats how your living your life by listening to whatever crap people throw at your face and smile; you might as well just go suicide because whether your dead or alive, nobody knows of your existance and your just another stupid worthless sheep.

Or are you like the wolf; who bends every single rule in the book and live his life to the full. Throw that stupid phone to your ex-girlfriend's face whenever she begins to throw a bunch of crap and bullshit on your face when she tries to cover-up something so fcuked-up, punch the fcuk out of that bastard who's been annoying your ever since he saw you.. Why not try to skip class, punch the fcuk of an idiot, makeout with your girlfriend/your friend (girl), jump of a cliff, swim butt-naked, slap the fcuk out of that faggot who's been in your face since all week? Why not try something totally out of the safe-zone? Atleast you could tell that bastard who wants your ex-girlfriend so badly, dude..go and try to grow some balls and try not to suck up to society, dont be a mr.good-ass and show that your like an angel to everyone. And i bet you had to wait like forever to finally date her when i have totally "done" everything that you could imagine, you fucking little faggot?!

See? Just once, step out of that stupid fcuking safe-zone of yours and be a man. Say something that wanted to say for god-knows how fcuking long you had to keep it inside.. dont get used by another stupid asshole. Show them that you have brains, and balls too.

Dude, its about time that people start to speak-up.. its about time that we stand-up for what we believe in. Its about time.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


I need u to reply this post (comment) and describe me, as how u see myself. Let me know how u feel abt me..for example:

Ali b. Abu:
RaJa, he's always making so much noise. I dont think he can shut But he always saves my butt when it comes to some stupid relationship lecture or whatever crap he's talking abt.. A very very poyo person. Bottomline; i think he's a fun friend (eventhough he's bloody noisy).

Something like that la..write whatever u feel towards me. I bet the negative press will be about 60% of the reply. lol. Anyways, im not gonna log in until next next week..which is somewhen near Hari Raya, so write as much as u want.

Anyways, to all of my friends..i wish u guys SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI. And i apologize if i have offended anyone this year..(i bet its quite a list) Btw, dont ask me for duit broke. lol.

Friday, September 19, 2008


I was really bored yesterday, and Navin was around. So we were really bored and tired from studying for the trials..

While we were lepaking, i took out my phone and started to record a video.. Navin wanted to advertise on the toyota car which was parked somewhere near us. Then he...(well, take a look for yourself)

Thats the advert which i've just Owh well, u cant blame a crazy group of students when they are bored. Bcuz they are just bored. And bored people do stupid things sometimes..right?

This video was based on old chinese dubbed movies.. and the reason why i ran in the end was because Fariz was running towards Navin like he was gonna eat all of us. lol. :)
So yeah, this is what people do sometimes when they are totally bored.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Today, my very very important pencil case has been stolen. Within that pencil case, lies my old AJK Discipline II name tag.. my artistic pens, my 570 calculator.. *sigh*

I'm right in the middle of my SPM trials and this thing happens pulak.. omg. Mampus aku.. All of my memorable stuffs are in there. Especially the old AJK name tag.

If i know who stole that pencil case and my belongings, i would kick his/her sorry ass and fcuking repeat it until im satisfied.. Sial la! This adds so much to my state of depression. I think would like fail my whole exam..cuz i dont feel like writing anymore.

Fcuk u la! (whoever stole my pencil case) Ur mother never teach u not to steal people's stuff ah?! Screw u man! I hope u trip and fell on my pencil case and the pen would stab ur heart and die, bitch! die!!

Saturday, September 13, 2008


No more MSN for me.. some idiot reboot the comp. And now, the only thing i could do with the comp is just to go updating my blog and myspace.

Im seriously feeling more depressed right now.. and feel like blowing up. I feel like just punching some idiot right on his face..i feel like kicking some idiot's ass.'s probably all the anger that i have been keeping sealed inside are leaking out. Its probably just too much depression in my life.. idk. But whatever it is..i want to bump into an idiot, he'll say something stupid to piss me off and i'll punch his face till he eats his lunch through a straw. That's what i wanna look forward to this week in school.

Owh yea, if u find this post very problematic and u dont like it..please let me know. please.


Being in a relationship just spoils the whole thing. People will talk about it...then eventually, u'll break up. And the whole "let's just be friends" thing is just plain'll be so fcuking awkward to talk as friends and hangout after being in a relationship with someone.

Now, there's no more 'her' and nice things to expect when i need some company.. Why? It's cause people talk and it spreads like cancer and eventually, 'her' parents would began to suspect something fishy and i have to back off.

Argh! Dammit! Why can't i have things going my way for once?! Why? Why does misery always come crawling back to me?

I guess its just that im destined not to have a well-established relationship and i cant be happy. I always have to be emo.. i always have to feel miserable.


It's the second week of the form5's SPM trials.. and the first paper for this week is maths. *sigh*
My predictions for this paper:

highest score: 3B.
the usual: 4C.
my reason for suicide: 9G.

Owh well...the best thing to do right now is to study and do these exercises.
Next, hope that somehow on monday i feel the 'mathematical vibe' and could ace the paper..

Thursday, September 4, 2008


This is another method i use to cure my depression: SHISHA-ing. lol. :)

I didn't actually expect anyone to read all of this crap i'm writing in my blog. About my feelings, my depression and a bunch of other stuffs.. and i'm very suprised when some of my juniors tell me that they are reading my blog.

Truth is, well i thought only some of the form5s will read my blog. that's it. anyways, thanks guys... for reading my blog. lol.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Friends, what are they good for? Are they trustworthy? Are they going to be back-stabbers when the time comes?

See, those are the thoughts which always plays in my mind. And yes, i dont trust people. I just dont.

Why dont i trust the people around me? Why dont i trust the ones who are willing to risk it all for me? The question is, is there someone who would risk anything for a friend? And the obvious answer is NO. Why u might ask? Well, firstly...

Looking back at all of those time when im around the people who i thought would be a 'true' friend, it would seem that i have just been wasting my time around people who are going to stab my back eventually..

They will pretend to be friends, buddies, protoge, lover, pet-brothers or sisters and almost everything that they could be to you.. comfort u when u look emo in public and when the time comes, they'll just spit at ur face and tell the whole world about what kind of an idiot u are for believing in them.

I see these type of people everyday, and the best part is.. they'll actually tell u about who they are hating and who are thier enemies. And thing is, those enemies of thiers and how its being told to u are just little flashbacks to what u had to face when u were with them. How they stab their friends, how they suck up to any idiot that will fall for their tricks (including me, i was one of the idiots and i think i still am).

So guys, be aware that its not how close u are to that person which defines ur friendship but how honest u guys are.. and how they would come and help u without asking for anything in return eventhough its the 100th time u guys are helping each other.

Think about what i've just said. Think about it, Love it or hate it.


I don't know why, but i constantly feel like life is a big bitch. I would feel emo all the time.. and the people around wont ever notice or get sight of it. Its because i know how to hide it.

And this is where i dump all of my emo-ness into... my blog.
Its where people dont actually care about what i say or do towards them. I think its one of the best ways to release my stress and anger..

I dont know where i am in this world right now.. im caught up with stuffs which doesnt even matter most of the time, i'm very very sensitive to whatever's around me, i dont care about other people's feelings because they dont care about mine and towards all of what i've just mentioned: It just shows what i meant when i say LIFE IS A BIG BITCH.

And yes, the SPM trials. (what would i do without those things?) *sarcasm*
I'll be having the trials by next week.. and personally, i dont think i could even pass the exam. Everyone else is ready for it and i'm still struggling trying to figure out stuffs on maths..

Argh! Why does life have to be this way? Why does it make me feel all of this pressure? Why is it acting like a bitch to me?
Dammit.. so many questions, so little time.

Monday, September 1, 2008


I havn't been updating my blog recently, and its cause im occupied with stuffs.
On last Saturday was the carnival day in my school.. and it was ok la. The thing is, i agree to what Qis wrote on her blog recently..

It pisses me off when some of YOU PEOPLE who thinks our skewl sucks and its full of rempits and whatever.. Weyh, please lah. Your school is almost the same and sometimes your school sucks more than ours. Rempits? Well, they are ok. Some of them are even my friends.. atleast they dont try to act all 'high-class' and actually, some of the malays i know cant even speak malay properly.

So before judging everyone else, look at yourself (and your school) first lah! fcuk u la weyh...ak yg ada royalty blood pun x poyo macam korang ok? please lah! you guys makes things worse in this country, not just the rempits. Its all because of your 'high-class' pampered attitudes.. some of us are the ones who has to take responsiblility. Think about what i've just said.. if u have problems about what i wrote, let me know. Tell it straight to my face.

I'll continue about the carnival by tomorrow, im not in the mood right now..

Friday, August 29, 2008


Finally, i get the chance to write something on my blog after a long time of busyness..
Today, we had the independence day tribute celebration. It was kinda dull at first but it slowly rocked in the the end. After recess, some of the guys messed up with the sound system and played some shuffle tunes.

I joined the entourage and began to try shuffling infront of atleast a hundred people at the tapak. It was a bomb.. we rocked it and it was a cool preview before our 'canteen day' which is going to be launched tomorrow..

I'm gonna try and shuffle again when i have the chance tmr.. how about u guys jump in and rock on without a care in the world and shuffle till' ur legs drop off. lol.

Aights, i'll see some of u guys tmr at skewl..i'll be there to heat things up. :)

Monday, August 25, 2008


At last, the holidays have ended. There goes all the time i could have been sleeping and not spending a single dime on anything..

So, i was back in skewl today..same routine everyday. They had the librarian's perlantikan today, which didn't actually launch because it rained right on que. lol. Then, in class it was just simply bo-ring.. the teachers was kinda malas. Nothing happened. *sigh..*

And this goes to show how bored i was...(or my artistic talents, either way u look at it).

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Life's a bitch.. why u might ask?
Well, a guy which i never thought would do such a thing such as being an 'item' with my newly ex-girlfriend has become an 'item' behind my back. Firstly, i wanna congratulate him and his new 'girlfriend' for being such a cute adorable couple..

Secondly, congrats for betraying my trust and doing a superb job of getting my ex-girlfriend behind my back all these while...dude, ur a professional. You made me feel like a total idiot for believing and trusting u all these while. And no one could see it coming from you cause..well, u are like so well mannered and look like an angel infront of me.

And to think i actually thought u were my friend all these while in the prefect board?! Well..that just goes to show how much of an idiot i am.

Sincerely, i hope u guys will stay as an 'item' for a long time..cause both of u back-stabbers fit each other perfectly.. and i couldn't be more proud of having both of u in my life thus far.

Best of luck to him and her.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


The Winner of the Loudest Prefect Award: RaJa Ahmad Shah.

Hey guys, thanks for voting me online..
I expected this award to be mine since last year; and this year, it did. lol. I would like to thank everyone for their cool attitude when i was annoying them.. And ofcourse, i would like to thank the fans for voting me.. *sniff..*

Anyways, i would like to win this award again next year.. thanks guys. thanks.

P/S: There's a after party on New Year's Eve.. see you guys there..

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


It's not entirely his fault. Why is he feeling so guilty?
I was staring like an idiot at the batch of kids.. yeah, don't hurt to be a part of it. It's a little sad to be left out but it's ok, i can chill with this situation soon..

But dude, it's not ur fault. I wouldn't feel much as a loud and hyper prefect if my partner-in-crime isn't there (if i was a part of it).. so chill la boss.

We'll get to see the new selections go 'official' by tomorrow, and we get good seats an spectator of the event. So, just sit down and relax..enjoy the show.

Shall we, ladies and gents? :)


Guys, check out the NavinRaJaAssociation blog. If u guys like what Navin talks about in his blog and my crap stories in my blog, then u'll love the new blog. It's the best of both worlds..

Go check it out and if u don't like it...well, whatever..go live in ur own little world then. So don't be a spoiled brat..and admire the most cun-ted collaboration to ever exist in the BB history. :)

Here's the url, now go and see what's cooking? (sometimes it's keropok is the place to be.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


There's this girl..who caught my attention. She's seems to have a rocking personality, she could make me laugh when i'm emo..she could be sentimental with me when i'm emo.. She knows how dress herself to make her look like a super-hottie.., how much she hates mosquitoes when ever i talk about

I met this girl about a year ago and she's 16; at first, she's like so 'poyo'.. and like so mean-kinda-type girl. But i totally dig that side of her..cuz she seems to be like so evil and so attractive. (personally, i like those mean girls kinda type...cuz they seem to be so mean instead of the usual innocent looking type girls) So, at first..i thought she was a player. But after a while..(a really really long time..) she shows her softer side to me, her vulnerable side.. and at first, i was shocked, i was speechless. I would have never guessed someone like her would be insecure inside..

But seriously, she's's just it takes time to get to know her (a long long time..). There was once where we were lepaking and i just looked at her and no wonder guys fall for her, she's a diamond but mistaken for a glass..

I have been beside her all this while...listening to her problems and such, being envy of the guys who she's with.. But if being a friend makes us closer and would stand out in the test of time, why not? :)

I hope one day, she would notice me as how i just noticed her during these past few weeks..and by the time she notices me, i hope i would still have a tiny crush on her. heh. I mean, who could resist me? (haha...being all perasan) :p

Monday, August 11, 2008


The hols are coming soon, i really need a vacation!
I need to be somewhere close to a tropical paradise to forget all of this headache.. i need some sun, sand, sweet breeze and bikinis on cute girls. lol.

I would like to be at Perhentian Island in Terengganu, the sweet breeze and warm water is always a blast! I wanna go snorkeling, i wanna lay down on the beach, i wanna have a barbecue and i wanna see girls play :)

I wanna be on my uncle's cruiser and go fishing in the middle of the sea.. i wanna jump into the sea and relax. i wish i'm there right now and admiring the sun-set. But i can't, because i have my SPM this year..and i have to study.

But i'm lucky to have my buds, Navin & the Xbox 360.. they'll be sleeping over and i'll call over some friends and we're gonna make some noise. They are my only remedy for this holiday dilemma.. lol. Cheers!

N.R. Association. :)


Have i changed my personality since the arrival of these tromendous amount of pressure and problems? I wouldn't know if i had changed or not in these past few head's in a mess since last July.

The change that i mentioned earlier was about me being silent at times and not socialize with people as much as i used to. I think it was because i somehow love being all alone and go emo all day.. lol. Well, as some of u guys who reads my articles would know how much emo i have become after my break up.

I think my friends also had enough of me babbling about how much i can't get over my ex and bla bla bla.. :)

Over these past few weeks it has been so f'd up.. how so, u might ask?
Well; in school, i don't talk to some of the people who were close to me anymore.. it's like everyone of us has changed paths in life and choosing to ignore each other. I wouldn't be suprised if my friends today will be my enemies by tomorrow..because thats how it's been for the past one month.

I think that's the reason why i like to be emo by myself and think about all these things and try to figure out what's wrong with me..

Yeah, i think that's the reason. I think so..i really think so. :)

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Now, i really hate my life. Why u might ask? Well, firstly, i'm still emo since my last stupid breakup..secondly, my dad was admitted to the hospital for his heart failure and now; my blog is considered 'offensive' to a certain group of people.

Wth? How does my blog become offensive from me writing about my happy times with my buds and calling my batch a 'happening' batch of students? I just don't understand.. please let me know how does my articles become offensive when i don't even accuse anyone straight forward? If u feel the heat from reading my articles, then i apologize. But it's indirectly pointed to a certain group of people who makes my life more miserable...

The only way for me to release my anger and depression is through blogging.. so if u can't understand why i write all of this articles concerning my depressions and emotions in my life, it's because i don't have anything else to rely on when i'm pissed. My only exit is through blogging.

To anyone who finds this blog offensive, come and see me.. tell me what's bothering u and maybe we could come to an agreement on this matter. Don't talk BS behind my back and then tell me that what i shouldn't say or do; because this is MY PERSONAL BLOG. This is where i pour all that anger that i carry inside, so if u can't accept it...maybe i should just let it all out on you. Then u know what i feel..

So, please.. like how i always say in my articles, "try to understand me". This is why i write stuffs on my blog, for u people who likes to judge me before even getting to know who i am. Get it?

Friday, August 8, 2008


Have u ever felt that everyone else around u are feeling loved and their busy yapping about their bf/gf? Yeah, i'm feeling that emotion right now..

For some reason, i noticed that everyone else is happy being in their relationships and honestly, i envy them. Well..yeah, it's not something to be proud of but it sucks to feel like ur being left out when everyone else is smiling away with their proud love stories.

It sucks to feel lonely when the people around u have their partners and ur the only one who's stuck all by urself. And yes, romance genre movies sucks like hell when ur feeling what i'm feeling..

Being in this sort of situation is just torture.. i hate this feeling which i'm stuck with. Wouldn't u feel the same if u were in my shoes?

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Would u care if someone wrote u a poem and expressed their feelings towards u eventhough it's too late for u to even care? Would u trust someone after they have betrayed ur trust? Would u listen to someone even if it might be one of the last conversation u'll ever have with that person? I have something to share, something personal.

This is what i feel right after i got dumped on the 7th of July.. and yes, i got dumped. Laugh if u want to.. it doesn't make any difference with what has happened to my personality, i am now trying to recover from all of this. So this will be my last message from my past relationship.. and when ur reading this; try to imagine what it's like to love someone eventhough they clearly don't share the same feelings with u anymore.

This poem was made when i feel like suiciding..

i was once the great friend,
i was once the a respected person,
i was once a fool.

i did not treasure what was very dearest to me,
you were the only thing which matters the most to me,
you were my everything.

i am now nothing but a tear shed from your beautiful eyes,
i am could only ask to be engraved within your memories,
you have left me without my heart,
as i draw my final breath,
i couldn't help but to regret everything.

as the light dissappears from my sight,
i couldnt stop remembering your face,
how you cherish me,
how you loved me,
how you were my everything.

as i began to close my eyes,
as my pulse begins to fade,
your voice is all i could hear,
the thought of you accompanies my tears.

if only i could be there for you when you needed me,
if only i was not the person i once was,
if only i could have the luxury of time,
if only i was strong enough to confess to you,
if only i could feel what it is like to be loved once more,
i would do anything to prevent what has happened.

why does it feel like this,
why can't i change just in time,
why are the odds against me,
why cant i be together with you again ?

these are the questions which will be buried alongside me,
these are the sins which will accompany me,
these are the doubts which will haunt me forever,
these are my regrets,
these are my wishes,
these are my confessions.

I hope atleast some of u people who reads this will understand what i'm trying to express.. and to my close friends, thanks guys. Thanks for being there for me when i needed someone.


Today, we have witness what a small thought could do to others. If u are a prefect of my school, u would understand. The thing is, i agree that some of the others are treating us without a 'smile'.. but my good friend has tried to show all of us what kind of impact it made on some of us seniors. And today, as my friend's blog is shown to the entire world and with a poor choice of words.. he has been shot down.

Guys, i know that i'm no 'quality-prefect' material.. but the thing is, i couldn't help to think that some of us who tried to tell u guys about our feelings are treated without respect. And yes; i know that respect has to be earned, and u can't respect us unless we respect u. Am i right so far?

I have some unsatisfied thoughts too but i don't think i could say anything cuz in the meeting today, my friends has already said it. And i said some of my piece myself towards Daniel during the meeting But hey, there's alot for us to stitch & make up. Mr.K is right about us not giving u guys the chance to start..and on my part, i apologize.

It was interesting how today turned up, how we 'conquered' this problem between all of us. I admit; i thought it was a popularity contest.. but after all of the explaining from the teachers. The truth of this 'respect' thing hits my face hard.. it felt like one good tight slap. lol.

In the end, i just wanna say that i'm sorry if i did offended anyone during my service as a prefect. I am very sorry. I truly am.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


What do u think of when u are asked about ur future? What do u wanna be? What are ur goals? To me, i'm still trying to figure those answers out myself. I'm still blur and un-prepared to face reality when it hits me..

And yes, i'm suppose to figure those answers out by now because i'm gonna be out of high school soon. By seriously, do u know what u really wanna do when u are thrown into the jungle out there? How are u gonna manage ur life?

There are a billion questions are going to be thrown to ur face..and the only way for u to answer all those questions are by looking at urself and figure it out by urself. It takes time ofcourse, it's no instant-noodle kind of answers... to really figure this out, u have to ask urself.

I am still searching for my answers...i hope i could find out those answers when time comes. Because, i wouldn't want myself to do something i don't want to. But ofcourse, at times..there will come a point where u don't have a choice. But for me, i want to find out the answer before those situations arise before me. Wouldn't u want the same?

Friday, August 1, 2008


I have a friend who like to take advantage of knowing something personal and telling it to the whole wide world. Who likes to see me suffer and pretend that nothing's going on and try to so call 'comfort' me when i'm down. What kind of a person is that u might think..

Well, believe it or not. That particular person has been friends with me since i was in standard4 in primary school.. and he has been a pain in my ass for years and yet, i am still a friend to him.

This person is such a brilliant actor that he could say any bullshit that he feels like saying and they totally bought it and sometimes, i am the victim of his creative crime. I just don't understand why people wouldn't actually try to find out the truth first before believing in someone's story.. it seems to be pointless of me trying to fight back when all i ever get are just lies.

It's funny how people hate me so much for the things that i didn't do. Even if i did do anything to them, whats the problem of telling me about what i've done ? Is it so hard for you to just tell me the truth about what kind of a person i am in your eyes ?

I mean come on, how am i suppose to know what i'm doing is right or wrong in your eyes ? To some people it might be the right thing to do but to the others, i would be seen as the villain and they wouldn't even try to correct me even if they could.

But does it even matter ? In the end, you guys will always listen to all those bullshits that always pointed to me.. right ?

Now, think about what i've just said. And try to be a better person, you bloody back-stabber!!


Wow. It's already August... it seems that time passes us by and sometimes we don't realize it. It's true about what they say: "time flies while ur having fun experiencing this thing we call 'life'." I still feel like i was in the form1 as if it was yesterday..

Throughout this whole time of me 'growing-up' in SMKBB, it's funny to remember about all the stupid things i did.. how i pissed my teachers off, how i was running around the whole school when i was chased by some of my friends, how i commanded the perbarisan during a period of time before the sports day, how i was obsessed with my water-polo team, how i was shouting at everyone's faces telling them to shut-up when i was a probate and a prefect... *sigh*

It's really something i could smile about when i think about it.. and now, i'm about to face the final exam in high school, which is the SPM. think that i actually have already spent 4years in that school and still counting..

I hope that i will be remembered in that school.. because the memories of being a student in that school will be apart of me till' the end of time.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bye bye morning duties, bye bye prefect stuff...

By tomorrow, the form5 prefects will be retired and a new prefect board will be elected.

It's kinda sad to let it go; all those shouting to other people's faces, the early recess, the usual meetings and ofcourse with me being in it..the meetings have never been silent. I'm the most loudest, dunno-don't-care, immature prefect to be in the board (i think).

But ofcourse, i'm happy because i won't be under the "magnifying glass" anymore. It's a relief actually.. haha. I'm a trouble-maker kinda prefect, so being out of the picture will mean that i won't be screwed as much as i would get while my batch was still in session. haha..

Looking back at all this, i'm glad that i was once the loudest, childish prefect to had ever be within SMK Bukit Bandaraya. I would just like to say one thing: Adios Amigos! :)


On last Wednesday, me, navin and mira went out for a movie.. and owh yea, me and navin had a blast at carl's jr. while waiting for mira. The burger's were huge man! haha.. for a rm20 meal, it's surely worth it.

Anyways, so when mira joined our seems that i am the shortest guy there. And i feel so small in between them while we're lepak-ing there..sheesh. *sigh*

We were watching the Dark Knight. A super-ass-kicking movie with the best storyline so far.. from each plot to another, it was just total adrenaline pumping and twists throughout the whole time. Heath steals the show by playing the character known as The Joker, his acting was just flaw-less, magnificent and well...*speechless*

I think this movie is an instant classic, superb.. Dude, i am so gonna watch this movie again with my buds. haha..

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I'm not feeling like i am myself nowdays, and why u might ask ?

Well, recently, my dad had heart problems and he's being admitted at the heart institute. Secondly, i got dumped from a girl that i thought was my best girlfriend ever, and yes; it hurts like fcuk.

From all those events that just had happen to me, i think it has changed me without me even realizing it. Somehow, i don't feel like i am myself. I'm losing my character, i'm also losing my friends...

I don't know how i've changed into what i am right now, but all i know is; i don't like who i am at the moment.
I need to be myself again. I'm always hyper and loud...but nowdays, i'm always emo. I'm silent at times.. i seriously don't know what's happening to me.

I just need myself back..*sigh*

Friday, July 18, 2008

Absence of a Father and a Great Friend.

That's my dad, his name is Raja Shahruzzaman ibni Sultan Idris Afifullah Shah. That picture was taken somewhen in March of 2008, at Hartamas Square. I like to 'lepak' with him and talk about whatever that comes up in our heads..and he will smoke his shisha and talk.

We are close, like buddies. That's cuz i don't really enjoy telling everyone else all of my monsters and nightmares and he knows how stupid my problems can be and how complicated it could be, and how to avoid unnecessary problems.

And now, he's really sick.. he's at the heart institute. His heart only uses 30% to pump his blood and's because his heart is becoming weak. Obviously, i'm so bloody worried. He's my dad and my buddy and his heart is giving complications...

Dude. I seriously wouldn't want to lose a dad who's also my buddy..please, pray for him. I would really love to see him back being himself and talking crap with me and laughing it out loud. For those of my friends who knows my dad, send him a prayer.. please.
Thx. I hope u'll get better dad..